Another great show from the Cancer Bats!
Another great show from the Cancer Bats!
I do wish some bands wouldn’t play in the dark!
Shot at House Of Blues, Sunset, November 12, 2011
Shot at the House Of Blues, Sunset. Sunday October 30th 2011. They rocked!
These were shot at the House Of Blues, LA 18th Jan 2009.
Lexxi wasn’t the only Panther to head for the big city, though moving from Fresno, California, Satchel was already blessed with a leg up the entertainment industry from his mother who worked in Chuck E Cheese entertaining the kids.
“She was also a hooker on the side,” says Satchel today, talking of his formative years. “She made a lot of good cash doing that, but at some point you have to give up because your tits get too long, so she put me to work. I don’t really remember much about school because I was so high all the time, but I can remember early stuff, like when I was in kindergarten, that’s where I got laid for the first time. I had long hair and I used to wear spandex and shit and the other kids used to make fun of me but they were just jealous because I was getting more pussy. I had my first threesome there. It was bad ass! The teacher went all the way but the other kid didn’t know what she was doing, she couldn’t give head or anything. I’m mean, the teacher’s probably 70 years old so I wouldn’t fuck her now and I wouldn’t fuck a five year old now.”
Perhaps not surprisingly Satchel was voted ‘most likely to fuck the teacher’, something he says almost became a self-fulfilling prophecy, though he was disappointed when his third grade teacher was male.
“I didn’t wanna break the streak,” says Satchel, “but I don’t really wanna talk about that and I’m sure he doesn’t want to either. The thing I learned at school was even if you don’t know anything you’ve got to totally pretend that you know what’s going on and that way people will respect you.”
Like the rest of the band Satchel soon figured out that he would “get to put his penis in a lot more vaginas” if he was in a band and he dived headfirst into the rock n roll lifestyle, sniffing paint when he wasn’t grooming his hair or shredding on guitar.
“I don’t remember my earliest overdose,” he says, matter of fact, “but I remember the last one; I overdosed on Viagra and I’ve actually still got a boner. You probably can’t tell because it’s not as big as I’d like, but I’ve had it for two weeks. You can totally die from having a boner for two weeks!’
Such a loss to music is too great to imagine and we can only hope that Satchel recovers, but in the meantime his ambitions are rather bigger than his boner. He insists that Steel Panther are going straight to the top of the charts just as soon as they find the right songwriter and that, some day, some day soon, his band will be touring the world with Def Leppard, Van Halen and Aerosmith opening for them.
“At some point,” says Satchel, “ those bands are going to realize that if they’re going to keep touring then they might as well open up for the greatest band in the world and they’re gonna have to hand over the baton to Steel Panther. They’re still bad ass, don’t get me wrong. I’m sure those bands are fucking lots of bitches, but what are we going to catch from Def Leppard that they haven’t already caught from us? Thankfully the one arm thing isn’t contagious, but our drummer only has one testicle and he has more sperm in his load than all of us combined, just like the drummer from Def Leppard rocks harder than he normally would. I’ve seen him shoot a load six or seven feet across the room and still hit a girls face!”
As if on cue the man himself, drummer, Stix Zadinia, strolls into the dressing room. Despite being voted ‘most likely to be a loser’, he is obviously the brains of the operation, a rare thing in the drumming world. An LA native, he was the one band member to hold down a job that didn’t involve hair or burgers, DJing in a strip club called Wrinkles. It was his idea to record all Steel Panther’s demos on cassette to keep it authentic (and so they could listen to them in Michael’s car). After all Guns N Roses didn’t record their first demos on CD. It was his idea too to keep changing the name of the band, (Danger Kitty, then Metal Shop, then Metal Skool, then Steel Panther), not to avoid being sued by other bands with the same name, but so their true fans had to rediscover them every time.
“We’ve always been Steel Panther,”he reflects, “but for a while we just didn’t know it. But why fight it? It’s like when a guy goes “I’m 42 and I’ve been gay the whole time but I’ve been living as a heterosexual.” Why fight it? Be who you are! And we’re Steel Panther! But not gay Steel Panther, just Steel Panther.”
Stix is an old school LA rocker. He remembers a time when hair metal ruled the world, a time when you could walk the streets of West Hollywood looking like a girl without getting whistled at by men. He likes his drummers old school too, Keith Moon for partying and driving, Tico Torres for hair and John Bonham for inserting fish into groupies.
‘I’ve tried to put all sorts of shit in chick’s pussy’s, but I haven’t managed a fish yet,” says Stix. “I’ve put drumsticks in there! An octopus would look cool if you could put the head inside the pussy and have the tentacles out there! That’s probably where they got Octopussy!”
Clearly the thinker of the band, Stix says he’d like Steel Panther to do more charitable work because “retarded kids get you laid”. He also has advice for any impressionable fans who might think about using needles.
“What’s wrong with sharing needles?” he says. “Just don’t be gay and share a needle and then you have nothing to worry about. If you don’t have AIDS then go for it. I mean, I don’t want some kid stepping on a needle on the beach that I had to use because my buddy won’t share his.”
If there’s one person Stix knows will always share his needles then it’s Steel Panther frontman Michael Starr, a star in every sense of the word, who crashed to earth in Chicago, Illinois in 1965. Starr was born to shine, quite literally getting conceived on stage while his mother and father worked in theater porn. His natural talent was spotted early by a school teacher named Miss Williams who took an interest is his singing career.
“I sang really good,” says Michael, “and she gave me a big hug, with my head in her bosoms, and at that point I made the connection like, when I sing good this is what I get. I was still disruptive at school but I got treated differently because I could sing really good. But it really led to an adverse effect because I needed to get people’s approval so that’s when I started doing drugs to fill that void. That’s a really hard balance because you don’t wanna fuck up your voice. A lot of singers make that mistake, especially doing coke, because if you’re high you don’t feel what you’re doing to your voice: you’ve got to wait until the guitar solo before you do any coke.”
The Starrs moved to California in 1979, Michael’s brother and mother buying him a guitar and a mirror so he could practice looking good. Thankfully a low sperm count keeps the paternity suits at bay, but it’s obvious that Michael is the sensitive guy in the band, the hand that penned ‘Community Property’. He crashed his first car, a Volkswagen Beetle, following a girl he had a crush on and, like Stix, wants to get involved in charity work.
“I wanna do a charity for strippers,” he says simply. “A lot of them can’t do it anymore or they don’t make as much money and they still need drugs like we do.”
Even Michael will admit, in his more reflective moments, that Steel Panther’s success had exceeded anything he could have possibly imagined: “I never thought I’d get chlamydia in Manchester.” The world is his oyster and yet something troubles this star.
“I’m definitely the reflective kind of guy,” he says. “It’s like trying to find the right combination, like putting cocaine and beer together. But I get too sensitive and I give them my real phone number sometimes. The only way to get rid of them is not to call them ever again. But, nine times out of ten, any chick who likes heavy metal is usually pretty bitching. And it’s surprising how many people love metal: that chick who works in an office all day totally loves metal. She’s totally straight during the day and at night she’s sucking dick!”
Do you think you’ll manage to stay grounded through superstardom?
“Probably not,” shrugs Starr. “My head will get really big and I’ll spend all the money that I don’t really have yet and then be broke, then we’ll get in a fight and break the band up and we’ll have to get back together for monetary reasons. But we feel like where we are now is already the top.”